SOUTH HAVEN, Mich. (Pistachio Times) – Thousands of lives were lost this afternoon when a freak wave completely wiped out a thriving sandcastle city. Evan Long (9) and Eric Long (11) created the city, but hid behind their mother when Pistachio Times staff writers attempted to get an interview. Outside analysts have levied heavy criticism against the duo, citing poor urban planning and calling the city “a sick, twisted experiment.”
“They purposely built the city close to the waves, and that’s morally reprehensible. They wanted to see how long it would survive with no regard for the potential loss of life. No residents were informed about how dangerous the location was and thousands of lives were lost because of it,” Sandcastle Expert Jim Sanderson said.
Residents commented on some of the warning signs that indicated the city was about to be reduced to a small bump on the shore.
“I thought it was a bit odd that the wall surrounding the city wasn’t higher than most of the buildings. It was also quite strange that many of the buildings suffered from catastrophic structural failures shortly after being built. Even many of the more sturdy buildings were taken out by large objects falling from the sky at random,” Sandy Smith said.
The father of the duo responsible defended their actions.
“It’s a really beautiful day out, and they had a really fun time. They built that city pretty much all day, only taking breaks to eat some snacks and put on more sunscreen. I’m proud that they barely touched their devices today,” Andy Long said.
Xi Jinping, President of the People’s Republic of China, has invited the duo to build a city.
“We’re very impressed with their ability to build such a thriving city. I think their architectural style will fit in with most of our existing cities as well. I believe their carefully crafted buildings will be great places to live in, especially for Uyghurs, Roman Catholics, Protestants, Buddhists, journalists, gay people, Americans, and so much more,” Xi Jinping said.