The Pistachio Times

Man barely avoids eating gross Christmas cookies

CHICAGO, IL. (Pistachio Times) Andrew Stevens of Ravenswood just narrowly avoided eating his aunt’s awful Christmas Cookies. The platter included…

COLUMBUS, OH. (Pistachio Times) – A local man has been finally emotionally satisfied after years of building up his collection…

CHICAGO (Pistachio Times) – The annual communist convention went 5 minutes without ideological infighting, an impressive mark that communists all…

NEW YORK (Pistachio Times) – The Stock Market recently announced its ongoing battle with suicidal ideation, causing a major loss…

CHICAGO (Pistachio Times) – A recent study found that pickleball doesn’t bring back youthful athleticism and exuberance, leaving many middle…

PORTLAND (Pistachio Times) – Ana Williams, a woman who claims to be anti-establishment, is a key part of the Oregon…

SOUTH HAVEN, Mich. (Pistachio Times) – Thousands of lives were lost this afternoon when a freak wave completely wiped out…

DES MOINES (Pistachio Times) – Mere weeks after the USDA mandated that every American eat corn, coconuts have begun to…

CHICAGO (Pistacho Times) – A village manager recently announced that they would be shutting down an extremely vital road for…

WASHINGTON (Pistachio Times) – The 118th Congress recently passed the Bechdel test, a popular method to measure female representation in…