Some of the worst foods I’ve ever eaten

I have had the displeasure of eating quite a few awful tasting snacks over the years, but one reigns supreme as the absolute worst: French Onion Sun chips. I’m not sure if it was just that bag, but these were easily the worst chips I’ve ever eaten and one of the few foods that I distinctly remember as being awful.

I’m not exactly sure where I was or what I was doing at the time. The memory is solely isolated to the taste, tattooed into my brain forever. Simply put, these chips tasted like vomit. 

Sun Chips as a whole are pretty mediocre outside of Harvest Cheddar. The other classic flavors are just so uninspiring and they hide behind the guise of being healthy to justify it. Seriously, what is the original flavor trying to be?

It doesn’t have a distinct potato flavor like most classic flavors and doesn’t have any gimmick attached to it. It’s the literal embodiment of bland. The whole thing is quite depressing.  

I’ve never had such a visceral reaction to a chip before and the worst part is that after I began to speak about this experience my high school started stocking these chips en masse. It was truly a strange phenomenon; they had never made an appearance before that period in time and never returned by the time I graduated. 

I watched in horror as my friends gobbled down the monstrosity of the french onion flavor. My tongue recoiled and beads of sweat streamed down my face as they declared how they were ‘so good!’ and ‘the best flavor of Sunchips!’

Even now I shudder just thinking about it.

Another horrible tasting thing is Espresso. I had some at the Starbucks Reserve Roastery in Chicago and it was awful. It all tasted so horribly bitter that I was unable understand the hype of the ‘tasting notes.’

I apologize, but I couldn’t taste the fruity yet sassy beans sourced from Mozambique on Tuesdays behind the battery acid flavor.

Beggars deep dish pizza was also absolutely disgusting. The sauce tasted like it was rotting and the bottom of the pizza wasn’t crispy or substantial at all. In fact, I was able to peel the bottom of the pizza off without any effort. 

I tried the same peel test with a Lou Malnati’s pizza and it didn’t come off nearly as easily. The crust was pretty mediocre but it was a major step up from the rest of the pizza which was borderline inedible. 

One of the more notable things I’ve ever encountered in terms of bad food was a ‘beef stroganoff’ that my dad made. My dad is an excellent cook, but this was just so hilariously bad that I couldn’t resist sharing this story.

It was a pretty mediocre day and my brother and I were looking forward to unwinding after a day of hard work. There was a slight freezing drizzle and it was pitch black at outside. The wind whipped around in a frenzy, signaling impending doom.

We walked into the pleasantly warm house and our dad announced that we were having beef stroganoff. I was mildly excited.

What he presented was deli roast beef and mushrooms in a sauce that was haphazardly layered on top of pasta. Roast beef doesn’t taste very good on its own and within the context of this meal it’s absolutely sinful. I still have no idea what pocket of Hell he found this recipe and I hope he never goes back.

The lesson to take away from my unpleasant experiences is to never try any new foods, ever. They might be bad!