TOPEKA, Kan. is sliding down the United States. Erosion from unsustainable agriculture practices was exacerbated earlier this week from a flood event. Last night the topsoil of the state started shifting into Oklahoma at a rate of 10 miles per hour and has only increased in speed.
The slide has destroyed most of Oklahoma and threatens much of Texas. Authorities sent out an urgent evacuation alert last night to all those in the path of Kansas.
Many Kansas and Oklahoma residents are riding the slide in hopes of rescue, but FEMA has said that this would be impossible.
Staff writers were able to get interviews with some affected residents by a pulley system from a helicopter.
“I’ve lived here for forty years and I’m not letting this slide change that. I’m not letting any helicopter take me away from my home,” longtime Kansas resident Jimmy Jimmerson said.
Some in Congress have called for a wall of migrants to stop the slide.
“If they want to cross illegally then they can make themselves useful,” Senator Tommy Tubberville said.
Others have proposed lining up a row of Abrams tanks to stop Kansas, but scientists say that Kansas is too powerful.
“Nothing will stop Kansas at this point. Even when it hits the Gulf of Mexico it may just keep going to South America,” geologist Forrest Clay said.
Texas and Oklahoma have both declared a state of emergency, but Gregg Abbot is currently on vacation in Thailand.
Surrounded by a group of half naked women, Abbot said “I Thank the Lord that I won’t have to run that godforsaken state anymore.”
Some religious groups have declared this the beginning of the end times and have begun their preparations.
“We’ve only been waiting 2,024 years for this. While Kansas may perish, the second coming will save us all,” father Tank Talord said.
A website has been created to track the slide of Kansas with accompanying counters of deaths, property damage and distance traveled. The website expects Kansas to hit the Amazon Rainforest by next week, but due to rapid deforestation it may just hit some cows instead.
Truly a tragedy, I hope updates come frequently from this story! What might the electoral consequences be due to this disaster? It’s a disaster for sure, but (no offense to the people affected by the way) I only care about politics