A Zoo
A child looked up at his father, his face etched with curiosity. “Is it hurt?” the young boy asked. “It…
Year: 2024
Sandcastle community wiped out by huge wave
SOUTH HAVEN, Mich. (Pistachio Times) – Thousands of lives were lost this afternoon when a freak wave completely wiped out…
An open letter to Thomas S. Ricketts
Dear Mr. Ricketts, What the hell are you doing? Why am I waking up to the news that the Cubs…
Coconuts infect American heartland
DES MOINES (Pistachio Times) – Mere weeks after the USDA mandated that every American eat corn, coconuts have begun to…
A medium list of infuriating things
Imagine the scene: you’re on a date at a restaurant, and you want to wash your hands before you dig…
Town shuts down road for no reason
CHICAGO (Pistacho Times) – A village manager recently announced that they would be shutting down an extremely vital road for…
Congress passes Bechdel test
WASHINGTON (Pistachio Times) – The 118th Congress recently passed the Bechdel test, a popular method to measure female representation in…
Fireworks show disappoints aliens
CHICAGO (Pistachio Times) – A 4th of July fireworks show was interrupted last night by a group of passing aliens.…
Lasagna is overrated
This article may result in getting cursed by my Italian ancestors, but I must speak my truth. Lasagna is overrated.…
Are we seriously talking about golf?
Joe Biden and Donald Trump had another invigorating debate last night. This time around Biden was even more mentally incapable…